Fear or trepidation is based on limiting self belief and, contrary to popular thinking, this is extremely common although many people wouldn’t admit it! Consider this: if you have complete and total belief that you are capable of a task, that you’ll be able to complete all the necessary steps however stressful the conditions become, and that you can handle whatever is thrown at you during the task, why would you be fearful? Many fears aren’t based in truth, they aren’t rational or logical but nevertheless they exist and they can easily stop us in our tracks and prevent us from taking action.
Outside of events like sky diving, which involve physical danger, lots of people avoid fearful situations because they don’t want to fail or perhaps, more accurately, they don’t want to be seen to fail. Failure itself isn’t what bothers many people, it’s the idea that others will see them fail that causes the fear. Public speaking is one of the most common fears in modern society but how much real physical danger are people facing on stage? I suppose you could be hurt by the rotten vegetables but in truth most people are scared of what the audience might think of them.
The athlete who is nervous about his performance faces the same challenge – if he was certain that no matter what he did, he couldn’t lose the race then he’d have no nerves but this situation never exists so the athletes train themselves to use the fear rather than let the fear use them. If we let the fear use us we will run away but if we can harness the fear and use the power that it provides then we can do an amazing job.
The ability to use the fear is what we call confidence and fortunately it’s a skill that everyone can develop. It isn’t genetic, something that only a chosen few are born with, it’s a skill anyone can learn as long as they are prepared to face their demons and attempt the thing they fear over and over again, accepting that failure is a necessary part of the learning process. Action cures fear – nothing else.
It’s interesting but most top athletes will tell you that the fear never goes away, they just get better and better at using it to help them perform. As many people have said; the butterflies in the stomach will always be there, however, with practice, we can get them to fly in formation. So what thoughts should we fill our head with when we face that fear and we want to overcome it? Obviously we need to have high levels of self belief and convince ourselves that we are capable of achieving the task so positive self talk is very important. I suggest saying something like the following (as long as you believe that it’s true):
- I can do this. I’m well prepared, I have everything that is required and I know I have the capability to achieve what I want.
- If Fred Smith can do this then there is no reason why I can’t. I’m just as good as he is and probably better prepared.
- I’m powerful, strong and in complete control, this success is mine for the taking. All I need to do is relax, concentrate on the outcome I’m looking for and stay focused.
Unfortunately many people have a negative self talk conversation like:
- Well I’ll give it a go and hope for the best.
- I’ve never done this before and I’m not very talented at this type of thing.
- Perhaps I’d be better off putting this off right now and waiting for a better time.
You can feel the fear and the failure contained in these sentences and, at best, the person is being tentative. As Anthony Robbins says, “when you are tentative you have no power; if you want to succeed you need to exude certainty”. Your self talk must be strong and powerful even when you don’t physically feel that you have complete control. It’s worth taking the time to plan what you are going to say to yourself next time that fear rears its ugly head and attempts to take over.
